Do you know the feeling of having an endless moment looking at the ceiling of your room, got cold up by the silence, listening to the playlist of your favorite love songs. I'm at that moment every single night since.
I am stunned, shocked, mad and feeling so alone at the same time and I can't help it.
I didn't think that this will happen. I didn't think that we will gonna have this separation. After the months of happiness and joy. After I count all my kapitbahays response, 'Bagay Kayo'. After I knew her father's impression; 'Okay s'ya'. After she told me that she was so amazed of our relationship. I didn't think that it will ended up to this. But I still want to fight until I cannot.
Last year, I met a girl. A girl that didn't get my idea of being her boyfriend on the first time we knew our faces. But it changed. I changed and my heart as well. I fell to this girl without any hesitation. I fell to this girl with all my heart and with all valid reasons. I've been in-love to this girl that cause me to promise the words Ikaw lang, wala nang iba.
She is my first true love and I want it to be the last. But it's barely coming to short. We are so happy together with the happiest days of us in the start of our relationship. We share kiligs and laughs every time we talk or we're in each other's side literally. We eat together. We sing together. We kiss. And then we argue.
Some say, arguments is a common thing in a relationship and it's just a test of grip. One says, it is a sign of an end and let the relationship stop because that would be our destination anyway. I'm madly believe on the first thought. I believe that every relationship has ups and downs and it is up to the couple to survive or let the problem win. But still, I can't deny that I did something wrong and if I could turn back the time, I will promise to avoid it to happen again.
This time, all efforts are on the edge of being a dust. All plans are knocking to be a dream that cannot come true. Should I delete the pictures on my phone or should I stop hoping for more. I know exactly my answer, I can't do it.
I'm gonna miss all of this. All of it. I'm gonna miss the late night calls. All the sweet kisses. The holding-hands. The ice-cream dates. The messages that give me chills. I'm gonna miss that reaction when I see an I Love You on my Facebook wall. It's like a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart of me. It's amazing. I can't describe it.
I'm still me. I will always be the same no matter what. I can still be able to sing the Sponge Cola's song Wala Kang Katulad. I still want her touch my skin and make those pitik and kurot. I can still play my guitar to sing our themes in front of her. I still want to eat Ice-creams and donuts while she's beside me.
And if someone would asked me if I want to do all of this again. If you asked me if I'd travel all the roads to hold her hand, to dream with her, to hug her, to sit beside. If you asked me if I want to do it again... In a heart bit.
